The Perfect Gift

Everyone who truly knows me knows that I absolutely love giving and receiving gifts. I love giving people gifts whether they be small or extravagant. My primary love language is gifts. (According to The 5 Love Languages by Gary D. Chapman, the 5 love languages are Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch). I feel so loved whenever someone buys me or makes me something, even if it is small. It means they were thinking about me. I suppose that is why I also love giving gifts. Since I feel so incredibly loved whenever I receive gifts, I want to do the same to others. Giving, in whatever capacity, brings me so much joy.

I was thinking about where this love for gifts came from, and I realized it comes from my Father. My Eternal Father. I am created in God's image, and God is love. God shows his children love in many ways, and I believe that includes gifts. Matthew 7:11 says, "If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!" I am sinful and yet I know how to give good gifts, but don't you think God is the ultimate gift giver?

The thing about gifts is that it is all about the perfect time. Every time I buy or make something for someone, I long to give it to them right away. I want to see their reaction, but I know that waiting for the perfect time is so much sweeter, so I try to hold out for that time in hopes that it will make the gift that much better. I think God is much the same. He longs to give us good gifts, but He also longs to give it to us in His perfect timing! His timing is better than our own.

I also believe that God wants to give us the best. Matthew 7:9-10 says, "Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent?" I almost always get the gift I really want (if it is possible) because my family/friends know that I am longing for it and it has been all I have been talking about and asking for, they do whatever they can to make my wish into a reality. God is like that too. He isn't going to hear our request and give us something that we don't need. If anything, He longs to give us more and better than we have requested, but sometimes, He will also say no. This no comes through love, and He has something better planned.

Knowing that God created me with a love for gifts, reminds me that we share that love and that He already gave me the best gift He could ever give, His perfect Son!! Why would I want or need anything more than Jesus' amazing gift of dying on the cross for me?! The truth is that I don't need anything else and God doesn't need to give me anything else. He gave the gift of all gifts, the PERFECT GIFT, through His Son.  I am completely undeserving of any gift from the Creator of the Universe, but that is why God loves to give gifts because it shows His love and gives Himself glory!

Today I am remembering that I have the best gift in the world through salvation in Christ, but I also am reminded that God shares my love language and longs to continue showing me He loves me through the way I feel most loved.

Blind Faith

This week I was reading in the gospel of Mark, and God really spoke to me through the Mark 10:46-52:
             "And they came to Jericho. And as he was leaving Jericho with his disciples and a great crowd, Bartimaeus, a blind begirt, the son of Timaeus, was sitting by the roadside. And when he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to cry out and say, 'Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!' And Jesus stopped and said, "Call him." And they called the blind man, saying to him, 'take heart. Get up; he is calling you.' And throwing off his cloak, he sprang up and came to Jesus. And Jesus said to him. 'What do you want me to do for you?; And the blind man said to him, 'Rabbi, let me recover my sight.' And Jesus said to him, 'Go your way; your faith has made you well.' And immediately he recovered his sight and followed him on the way."

This blind man had such incredible faith! He called out to Jesus, knowing that Jesus had the power to take away his affliction. In fact, this type of faith is seen repeatedly throughout the New Testament. People flocked to Jesus to ask him to heal themselves or their loved ones, fully believing that He would, and He did again and again!! In Luke 8:43-48, a woman had so much faith that Jesus could heal her that she thought if she just touched the fringe of Jesus' garment that she would be healed, and SHE WAS!! She had incredible faith!

In Mark 11:22-24, Jesus talks about the type of faith that can move mountains:

             "And Jesus answered them, 'Have faith in God. Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, "Be taken up and thrown into the sea," and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.'"

After reading the story of the blind man and being reminded of what incredible faith looks like and then reading this passage, I was so convicted about my lack of faith. For over a week, God has been asking me how much I trust Him, because honestly, I have been doubting Him.

As many of you know, I am currently raising all of my finances in order to do full time ministry with Cru (Campus Crusade for Christ) at the University of Southern Californa (USC). I know this is where God is calling me, and I have no doubts that He will provide, but I have been praying for God to raise 100% of my funding in 100 days, and I have been doubting whether or not He will do this. I don't want to be disappointed, but that shows my lack of faith! God is asking for more from me. He is asking for me to fully believe that if it is His will, He will provide my support in 100 days and to believe it wholeheartedly. When you have faith like that, it is powerful!!

It seems to me that these days we are too scared to pray expectingly. We are scared that God will say no. Instead, we pray timidly and don't ask Him expectingly to do BIG things. Sure we hope but we don't pray expectingly because what if we are wrong? or what if God has different plans? or what if I get hurt because God doesn't answer in the way I asked Him to answer?

Here is the truth: God answers every single prayer! He will get the glory, and His plans are better than ours! God can do the impossible! We need to be confident in His power but also submissive to His will.

Mark 14:36
"Father, all things are possible for you…yet not what I will, but what you will."

 "God delights to 'give good things to those who ask him' (Matthew 7:11) and is capable of granting any prayer, though we must ask with godly motives (James 4:3) and according to God's will (1 John 5:14)…Those who trust God for the right things in the right way can have confidence that God will 'supply every need….according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.' (Philippians 4:19), knowing that he will work 'all things together for good' and will 'graciously give us all things' (Romans 8:28,32)" - ESV Study Bible

Why not pray bold and expectingly?! Why not pray big? Why not pray with that kind of faith?! What is holding us back? What is holding me back?

I'm praying for blind faith, and I'm praying for 100% in 100 days! What will you pray for?

New Adventure

For the past four weeks, I have been at New Staff Training with Cru in Daytona Beach, FL. It has seriously been incredible. I have fallen deeper in love with Jesus because of the knowledge I am learning about who He is. Two of the four weeks, we took two accelerated seminary classes, and as fast paced as they were, I absolutely loved them. It makes me even more curious of if someday God will lead me to get a Masters of Divinity. How cool would that be?! It has definitely been a desire of mine for at least seven years, and I've been praying a lot over the last six months about what it would look like to study Biblical Counseling. One thing I know for sure,  God has it all worked out, and I'm excited to follow Him day by day wherever He may lead me. I have ideas of where that me be, but one thing I know about my Father is that He constantly surprises me and takes me places I never could have imagined.

One place He is taking me is to the University of Southern California (USC). When I received this news, I was beyond ecstatic. God had been placing this university on my heart for a while. A few months ago, I started praying about where He would send me. I knew that He was calling me to stay involved in Greek ministry (sororities and fraternities), so I prayed about schools where there was a big Greek presence. I came up with a short list, and USC was dead last. As I prayed about it, every week I felt like God was telling me to move USC up my list. Essentially, He was telling me that USC was where He wanted me. I had reservations about Him sending me there, but I truly am willing to go wherever He sends me, so I listened to Him and kept moving USC up my list. Eventually, it became my first choice.

This was a hard decision for me because my heart was still at Sac State. Last August, I came back from summer project confident that the Lord was not calling me to Sac State, but after being back on campus, having so many people I love and admire ask me to stay, and my sister and her family (army family) moving back to the Sacramento area (after seven years away), I was slowly starting to wonder if I hadn't actually heard from God. I started trying to convince myself that Sac State is where I was suppose to remain, but something didn't feel right. After a month of trying to convince myself that God wanted me at Sac State, I realized that I was people pleasing and that just because my sister's family was back, didn't mean that I was suppose to stay. GOD'S CALLING ON MY LIFE IS BIGGER THAN MY COMFORT! It was at this time that I started praying about other schools, and God started showing me that He wanted me at USC.

Honestly, when you join staff with Cru, you don't have that much say in where your first assignment is. Because of this, I sent in my preferences but knew that God would direct me exactly where He wanted me. When I got to New Staff Training, I had a really great conversation with the woman that decided my placement. We talked a lot about my preferences and Sac State. After that conversation, I thought for sure I was going to be placed at Sac State, but a few days later, I was surprised and excited to hear that my first placement was going to be USC. I seriously couldn't believe that I had been hearing correctly from the Lord. How amazing is that?! He seriously, constantly brings me to my knees in awe of Him.

I am still so excited to be going to USC, but this means my Sac State chapter is over and that saddens me. I love my community in Sacramento so much. I made amazing friends there, and I truly feel like that is where my family is. I think I expected to be back there, and most of my friends expected it too. I am sad to leave them, but so excited to see how God uses each one of them to expand His kingdom. Sac State will always have a special place in my heart, and I will always look back at my time there as some of the best years of my life (at this point, they actually are the best years of my life).

A verse I have committed to memory and will be praying everyday while I raise my initial support and report to USC is:

Deuteronomy 39:6
"Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you."

Please be praying that God will provide all of my financial support swiftly so I can report to USC by their fall semester, which starts in August. God is faithful, and He has been nothing but faithful to me. I trust Him entirely, and I am so excited to start this amazing new adventure!

John 3:30 "He must increase, but I must decrease."

My journey to joining staff with Cru

I've changed a lot in the last two and half years. I mean I have radically changed! Since I have been at Sac State, my relationship with God has grown at a faster rate than it ever has in my entire life. God has shaken me and broken me in order to mold me and send me. I came to Sac State wanting to be a high school math teacher, and now I am graduating, in three weeks, with an English degree and joining staff with Cru, in order to do full time ministry and missions. Here's my journey to making this decision:

I was so blessed for God to have chosen me to be His child since I was six years old, and my relationship with Him has constantly been growing since that day when my child self made the most important decision of my life. When I was in high school, I felt like God was asking me to be a missionary, but I refused to listen. I wanted a comfortable life, but in reality, my heart cried out to obey this command from my Father. I tried to distract myself by justifying how I could use teaching and coaching to share the gospel with high schoolers. I was going to live a comfortable life but still share Jesus' love. Couldn't that be enough? 

I am not sure how I justified the desires I constantly had, such as: I always wanted to go to seminary but decided I could never do that because I never wanted to be a pastor and I always wanted to marry a missionary or even a pastor so that way I could participate in full time missions and/or ministry. For some reason I thought I needed to marry someone in missions or ministry in order to do it myself, but that was clearly wrong because God was calling me to the mission field with or without a husband. 

I eventually learned to ignore God's urging and decided to follow my own plans of going into teaching and justifying how this would also please God. I got into a serious relationship with a man who was going into the work force, and it seemed like my life would never go in the direction of missions/ministry. I was content with this because I was going to marry a Godly man and have a comfortable life, while also telling teenagers about God whenever I got the chance. While this may be the calling for many, this was not what God had planned for me, and He let me know in Big ways. 

The spring of my sophomore year in college (2011), God started intensely pursuing me. It was like He was screaming at me, and it was so loud that I couldn't possibly ignore Him. I started trying to hear His voice and praying for Him to break me so He could shape me. After that prayer, I did something I never thought I would do, I broke up with the man I was going to marry and essentially with all the plans I had for my life, since everything I had planned revolved around this man instead of around God. At this point, I was completely broken and exactly the way I needed to be for God to

swoop in and change me completely. 

In the fall of my Junior year (2011), I started my journey at Sac State. A few weeks into the semester, I started attending Cru weekly meetings and events. When I walked into my first weekly meeting, something felt so right. I continued checking it out, and I fell in love with the community. I started getting more involved and going to a weekly Bible study and then the woman intern leading that study started discipling me. (She had no idea I had been praying for that for over two years) She taught me how to share my faith not just in the natural mode or the body mode but by being intentional and sharing the gospel with people I had never met before. I thought this was strange at first, but I knew it was right. Cru was taking me out of my comfort zone and teaching me to be more vulnerable and training me how to share the Gospel. As a result, my relationship with God started growing stronger and at a faster rate than I had ever experienced. 

That same semester, I went to a Cru conference designed for juniors and seniors. At that conference, God started showing me that this is what He had planned for my life. I got excited about the idea of interning or stinting (1 year mission trip) with Cru after I graduated. I continued praying about this for the next 5 months and then went on a vision trip with Cru to Buenos Aires, Argentina in the spring of my junior year (2012). On this trip, I realized I needed to start praying about joining staff with Cru (making a long term decision), because I clearly felt this was the path that God had intended for me. 

I prayed for the next 6 months about joining staff with Cru. I went through times where I decided it wasn't for me, but God always pulled me back. In October of my senior year (2012), I made the decision to obey my Heavenly Father, and I decided that I would apply to join staff with Cru after I graduated. 

I was blessed to be able to go on a summer project with Cru the summer after my senior year, since I still needed four more classes to graduate. During this project, I again fully surrendered my plans of joining staff with Cru, but God clearly pointed me straight back to following through with my decision. He also challenged me to not get too comfortable in the United States because  He wants me to take the Gospel to the nations. 

When I came back to Sac State for my final semester, I applied to join staff in January 2014. It was a long and humbling process, and God used it in incredible ways to grow my faith in Him. 

A year after I made the decision to trust God and pursue a life of full time ministry/missions, I was accepted to join staff with Cru. 

God seriously amazes me. He knows what will happen and has the best plans for our lives. He called me into vocational ministry when I was in high school, but I ignored Him and tried to do things my own way. But God graciously worked in my life to point me back to the path He always had planned for my life. 

I am so excited about getting to work full time with college students and tell them about the amazing love of Jesus Christ. I can't wait to see where Jesus takes me. I'm done with a comfortable life, and I hope to do overseas missions for a good chunk of my life. God has a plan, and I'm going to do my best to listen and obey. 

My ENTIRE Life is Yours

   This summer God has shown up in big ways. He has transformed my life. I prayed that He would humble me this summer and teach me what He wanted me to learn, and HE DID!! If you know me well, you know that I rarely cry, but this summer, I have cried often. I realized that when it comes to Jesus, tears easily flow from my eyes because I am so in awe of my desperate need for a Savior and my heart has become truly broken for anyone and everyone who doesn't know Him as their personal Lord and Savior.

   There is so much that God has taught me this summer, but perhaps the biggest thing is being willing to follow Him ANYWHERE! Am I really willing to give up ALL my desires For The Sake Of His Name? Am I willing to go where He sends me? Am I willing to leave my family, my dog, my friends, my comfort, and my deep desire for a husband and family? Am I willing to be tortured or even killed For The Sake Of His Name? Am I willing to obey His call on my life? WILL I GO?!

    I think I have always wanted to say YES to these questions, but I couldn't fully do that until this summer. Before this summer, I was scared of death. I didn't desire my Savior enough! I was living for Christ but scared to meet Him! I asked God to help me defeat this fear, and He did. I now long to see my Savior more than I long for life! I can now think about death and not have mini panic attacks. Now I can honestly say YES I WILL DIE FOR MY SAVIOR because that means I get to see Him face to face! I can't wait to see Him! I can't wait to fall to the ground in complete surrender and worship of my AMAZING Heavenly Father!

     Before this summer, I wanted to say yes I will go where God calls me, but I couldn't stand the thought of leaving for long term over seas missions because that would mean that I would miss my grandpa's last years on this earth, have to give up my dog who I love more than I should, and I would have to give up my longing and deep desire for a husband and family. As much as I wanted to give God all of these things, I was still too attached to this world. I had lost my eternal perspective. The reality is that there is a war going on right now; a war for people's souls. God will be victorious, but I need to fight! Isn't God worth me being single? Isn't God worth me giving up my dog? Isn't he worth me leaving my family in order to help bring more people into His family? Isn't He worth it?! Doesn't Jesus command us to "Leave the dead to bury their own dead. But as for you, go and proclaim the Kingdom of God." (Luke 9:60)? Everything I have in this life is not my own. Everything belongs to God! The reason I can breath is because of Him alone! So I HAVE DECIDED to give Him my ENTIRE life! Even if it means me being single! Even if it means me leaving a life of comfort! Even if it means me being tortured and persecuted! Even if it means my death! GOD IS WORTH IT!

    So now here I sit, completely willing to GO WHEREVER my Father may send me. Yes, I still am a little scared, but I trust God more than life itself. He is my Abba, and I love Him more than I love anything or anyone else. I can't imagine life apart from Him. He is my life, and I WILL GO!

    Here's the thing, this isn't the Laura story; it's the God story!!

    God has used the song Oceans by Hillsong United to drastically change my life this summer. While worshipping during this song, I experienced a deep surrender that will forever change my life. Please listen to it and let the lyrics be the prayer of your heart:

    This video is a Spoken Word that deeply impacted my life this summer, and I encourage everyone to watch it:

God's Calling On My Life

  God has clearly called me into full time ministry and missions. If you asked me where I see myself in ten years, I would tell you that I see myself being a missionary in another country. I would love to say which country or even that I would be married and have a family but those are unknowns and a family is not promised. I know God has called me to go, and I can see myself going anywhere. Something I've been processing and praying about is when am I called to go. I don't know if I am called to go this next year when I graduate or if I am suppose to wait and then go. I've been planning on staying in the United States for the next few years, but are my reasons behind that selfish or is God asking me to stay before I go? Am I willing to give up my entire life and all of my comforts to bring the gospel to the world? And am I willing to be tortured or even killed for Jesus? I hope and pray I am. One thing I know for sure is that God's will will be done, and I can't wait to do His work for my entire life. 

My Heart

    I haven't updated my blog in a while and a lot has happened since my last update. Project is insanely busy, amazing, and fun. I can't wait to share about the fun parts of project and general updates, but in this post, I'm going to share my heart. 

 

   I didn't really know what God was going to teach me coming into summer project. I trusted that He had plans to grow me, but besides that, I was at a loss for exactly how He would do that. I just kept praying for God to change me and to completely humble me. I can tell you that my heart a little over a month into project is completely different than it was when project started. My heart has been completely broken for the lost. I now have a deep passion to share the gospel with everyone and a clear vision of how broken our world is. Everyone has a story with hurts and hard times, and they need someone to share who Jesus is with them. Before project I thought of sharing Jesus with others (strangers) as a hard thing to do and not my favorite form of ministry, but I was still willing to do it, but now I can't wait to go out and share Jesus with everyone. I seriously get so excited to go out sharing, and I think it may be turning into my favorite mode of evangelism. 

   Before project, I knew I struggled with pride and performance. I hated how self centered I was, and this sin issue has been something I've been attacking while on project. I want to be free of it, and God is definitely at work in my heart, helping me to become more like Him. This last week we talked about pride and performance in our action groups (bible study), and it hit home with me. On Thursday, I also talked about the sin of idolatry with a woman on staff and less than an hour later my discipler went over an article with me that focused on idolatry being the heart of all sins. I came to realize that I do idolize things and those things take away from God. It was a humbling realization, and I am so glad that I can now tackle those issues and ask the Holy Spirit to continue helping me become more like Him and less like my sin nature. 

   After this past week of being truly humbled by how sinful I am, I had a really hard morning. I don't like to cry and especially not in front of others, but this morning I was barely holding my tears in. I made it to church, but then the water works started. I knew God was at work in my heart, and I was literally breaking. There was a lot going on, but God was really talking to me. The worship songs continued to talk about His forgiveness and love for me by dying on the cross. I've heard it my whole life, but Jesus' radical love for me by dying for my sins will never cease to amaze me. During worship I looked up through my tears at one of the stained glass windows in the church, and it displayed Jesus holding a sheep and one standing right next to Him. I realized in that moment I was the sheep Jesus was holding. I was broken, but while I healed, Jesus was holding me close to His heart. That's the amazing thing about Jesus, He will never let me go! This morning I prayed that God would send someone to comfort me or encourage me, and sure enough right after church I received a text from my best friend saying she was thinking about me and praying for me and that she had a verse placed on her heart that she wanted to share with me: 

Psalm 5:11-12

"But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy.

Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you. Surely, Lord, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield."

It was like God was directly talking to me and affirming that He loves me and has good plans for me. 

This past week God brought me to the point of complete brokenness. This morning I was a mess, but God also is comforting me while He changes me. He is humbling me and making me into who He wants me to be. I am completely broken but so excited to see what He does this summer through that brokenness. My life is not my own; it's ALL His.