You're Beautiful

   As summer quickly approaches, so will insecurities and struggles with self worth and image. The warmer weather means shorts, more skin, bathing suits, and all of our "flaws" coming into the light for the world to see. This is the season where our bodies become too important. Some of us idolize our bodies, and we work, or try to work, on them all year in order for them to look good in the summer.
   I personally dread the summer. I hate how easy it is for me to fall victim to the lies that this world throws at us. All of my physical flaws can be seen in the summer, and I stand in front of the mirror calling God's creation, me,  UGLY!
   Unfortunately summer isn't the only time of the year we struggle with physical insecurities. It's a daily battle that both guys and girls struggle with. Guys often think they need to be stronger and have bigger muscles, and girls often think that no guy will ever like them until they lose weight. They think that they are ugly because they aren't stick skinny, or girls who are super skinny wish they were more curvy, or we think acne makes us ugly, or our legs are too big, or our teeth aren't straight or white enough. The list goes on and on! We all have things we wish we could change about our bodies, and we choose to not listen to the truth. We allow ourselves to have a lower self image, and instead, we listen to the lies the world tells us!
   Here's some worldly truth, guys not all girls are attracted to big muscles, I know I'm not, and girls, not all guys are attracted to skinny girls. Looks are not the most important, and yet, we spend countless hours and money working on the way we look or worrying about it, and we ignore working on who we are and becoming a better person.
   Last summer I struggled a great deal with physical insecurities. At the end of the summer, I was defeated, and I struggled to see the beauty in my reflection, but I felt God say Enough is Enough! You're my creation and everything I make is beautiful! Wow talk about a blow in the face! I was unintentionally questioning the beauty of God's creation. I was allowing the world to define beauty rather than listening to God's definition.
   I had to take in the truth that I am beautiful. It was an inward struggle, but God helped me get back to the point of believing I was beautiful. I started looking to the Bible instead of to the media, and I stopped looking in the mirror and questioning God's creation's beauty. I did this by visualizing Jesus right next to me, and there is no way I would call myself ugly in front of my Creator and Savior. I also had to stop comparing myself to others!
   Now I am living in confidence of my beauty, and I am thankful that God brought me back to His truth about my beauty rather than the worlds, but summer is fast approaching, and I can't help but remember how fast I fell last year. However, I am confident that as long as I continue to look to God's Word and to Him as my source of confirmation in my beauty instead of looking to the world then I will not fall again.

1 Peter 3:3-4
 "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."

Song of Solomon 4:7
 "You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you."

Proverbs 31:30
 "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."

Psalm 139:14 
 "I will praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well."

1 Samuel 16:7
 "But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart."

"A More Beautiful You" by Jonny Diaz

Complete Surrender

   For anyone that has been a part of my life for the last two years, you probably have noticed a dramatic change in me. Two years ago I had my whole life planned out. I was going to marry my boyfriend of three years, going to be a high school math teacher and a coach, and eventually start a family. This seemed like the perfect life for me. Everything was going to turn out great, but God had a different plan. He started dramatically pursuing me in Spring 2011. He gave me a crazy dream (unlike any I had ever experienced in my life) asking me to come back to Him. He then had the same song, "The Motions" by Matthew West, play every time I was in the car for at least a week. The lyrics powerfully impacted my life.

"I don't wanna go through the motions

I don't wanna go one more day

Without Your all consuming passion inside of me"

   After a week of hearing this song at least fifteen times, I finally realized that I was just going through the motions. My relationship with God had become stagnant. In the midst of this realization, I asked God to break me and mold me into who He wanted me to be. I had no idea how much that prayer would change my life. 

   A few months after this realization (Summer 2011), I broke up with the man I thought I would marry. It wasn't even planned; I just suddenly knew that he wasn't the man God wanted me to marry. I surrendered the comfort and security of that relationship. My heart was truly broken. The life I dreamed of was no where to be found. I had nothing. No plans and no direction; the only thing I did have was a God that loved me, and I grabbed onto that with all I had and started pursuing God like I never had before.

   Through this brokenness, God was able to consume my life and start shaping me into who He wanted me to be. I started Sac State in Fall 2011, and I joined an awesome group called Cru. I fell in love with the community of Cru at Sac State and the organization of Cru, but God wasn't done breaking me. He had more work to do. I had to learn to trust God financially (those weren't fun trials), I had to give up my Math major (which I took a lot of pride in), I had to give up my future, and I had to have one more heartbreak, but this heartbreak came from my closest friend. I had to surrender that friendship. There had to be nothing holding me back from pursuing God with all of my heart. But through my complete brokenness, God came in, and He gave me a new direction and a new hope. I was no longer living my life for myself, but I was living it completely for Him. 

   Towards the end of Fall 2011, God heavily placed on my heart that I was going to be in full time ministry and missions. So as 2011 ended, I came full circle. I no longer was going through the motions and living by my plans, but I was sincere in my relationship with God and living by His plans. 

   In Spring 2012, I was blessed to be able to get involved in leadership with Cru at Sac State. I loved every second of it, and it only encouraged me to keep growing in my walk with God. I also got the privilege to go on a Vision Trip with Cru at Sac State to Buenos Aires, Argentina which confirmed God's calling for me to be a missionary someday. Through the summer and early fall, I struggled to figure out what life after college would look like. I finally came to a peace and a decision that God was leading me to join staff with Cru in January 2014. 

   The Song "Lay Me Down" by Chris Tomlin captures my 2012. 

   

2011 was a year of complete surrender. 

2012 was a year of surrender, direction, growth, and renewal

But what about 2013?

   Earlier today I was not at peace with some things in my life. I told a dear friend about what was going on, and she reminded me to surrender it all to God. Even though I feel confident of God's calling on my life that doesn't mean that I shouldn't daily surrender it to God. I need to always lay everything at the foot of the cross even if it is something I am confident God is calling or leading me to. If it is, then it will happen, and I will praise Him, and if it isn't, I will praise Him still. Even though my life has been uphill since 2012, I can't forget to SURRENDER!

Mark 14:36
 "And he said, 'Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.'"

John 3:30
 "He must increase, but I must decrease."

Two other songs that have recently impacted me are "Where You Go I Go" by Jesus Culture and "Awake My Soul" by Chris Tomlin and Lecrae which is based on Ezekial 37:1-14.

My favorite worship song that completely encompasses Completely Surrendering to God is "You Won't Relent" by Jesus Culture.

Always His

 I've been a Christian almost my entire life. God is all I have ever known. I used to think I had the weakest testimony. Growing up in the church, you hear a lot of incredible testimonies where so many people found God and were freed from addictions and impurity. God dramatically changed their lives. They knew what it was like to live completely for themselves, and they knew what it was like to live completely for God. I thought that was such a blessing for them because they were truly able to understand the power of God's forgiveness and the freedom found in Him. But what does that say about my testimony? Does it mean that following God for my entire life is not powerful? I thought it did. How could I think that? I don't believe any one who has one of those incredible, life altering testimonies wishes they had done what they had before they knew God. In fact, I am sure they wish they had my testimony. God has given me a powerful testimony! He chose me!!

John 15:16 "You did not choose me, but I chose you..."

God set me apart before I was even born!

Galatians 1:15 "...he who had set me apart before I was born, and who called me by his grace"

 The other day I was reading through Psalm 22, and it says in Psalm 22:10 "On you was I cast from my birth, and from my mother's womb you have been my God." This rang true with me. God has been my God since birth, and I used to think this gave me a handicap. My story wouldn't be powerful to those facing addictions, but it isn't about me! God chose me to be His, and I responded at an early age. It was a precious gift to grow up in church and to have my ears and heart be opened so young. Growing up, I would have traded my testimony for what I deemed a more powerful one, because I loved the passion of those people who had seen complete redemption in their lives. I wanted that same passion level, but here is the crazy thing, I can still have that passion! Just because I have loved God my whole life and never experienced life without Him doesn't mean that my passion can't be as high as someone who recently found freedom in Jesus.

 I also came to realize that it isn't just about passion, it's about a relationship. My relationship with Christ is seasoned. It is going on 16 years now of genuine pursuit of my Lord. When a relationship is brand new, it is so exciting. You often can't get them off of your mind, you want to spend as much time as you can with each other, and you love living life with each other. But what about when a relationship is seasoned and older? What happens then? Has the passion disappeared? Sometimes, yes, but then there are the sweet old couples whose love has only deepened with time. Their passion is still there, but it goes deeper than a new relationship just starting out. They truly know each other and love being in each other's presence. Sometimes words aren't even needed. This is what I aspire my relationship with God to be like. I don't ever want to lose my passion! My testimony is powerful! How lucky am I to have been born into a sinful world and met Christ, my Savior, when I was 6 years old?! God has truly blessed me, but He has also called me to not stay quiet about Him. He has called me to a lifetime dedicated to His ministry. I am suppose to use this blessing to help others come to know a God that loves them more than anyone else, and maybe they will have those stories I once viewed as so much more powerful than my own.