Complete Surrender

   For anyone that has been a part of my life for the last two years, you probably have noticed a dramatic change in me. Two years ago I had my whole life planned out. I was going to marry my boyfriend of three years, going to be a high school math teacher and a coach, and eventually start a family. This seemed like the perfect life for me. Everything was going to turn out great, but God had a different plan. He started dramatically pursuing me in Spring 2011. He gave me a crazy dream (unlike any I had ever experienced in my life) asking me to come back to Him. He then had the same song, "The Motions" by Matthew West, play every time I was in the car for at least a week. The lyrics powerfully impacted my life.

"I don't wanna go through the motions

I don't wanna go one more day

Without Your all consuming passion inside of me"

   After a week of hearing this song at least fifteen times, I finally realized that I was just going through the motions. My relationship with God had become stagnant. In the midst of this realization, I asked God to break me and mold me into who He wanted me to be. I had no idea how much that prayer would change my life. 

   A few months after this realization (Summer 2011), I broke up with the man I thought I would marry. It wasn't even planned; I just suddenly knew that he wasn't the man God wanted me to marry. I surrendered the comfort and security of that relationship. My heart was truly broken. The life I dreamed of was no where to be found. I had nothing. No plans and no direction; the only thing I did have was a God that loved me, and I grabbed onto that with all I had and started pursuing God like I never had before.

   Through this brokenness, God was able to consume my life and start shaping me into who He wanted me to be. I started Sac State in Fall 2011, and I joined an awesome group called Cru. I fell in love with the community of Cru at Sac State and the organization of Cru, but God wasn't done breaking me. He had more work to do. I had to learn to trust God financially (those weren't fun trials), I had to give up my Math major (which I took a lot of pride in), I had to give up my future, and I had to have one more heartbreak, but this heartbreak came from my closest friend. I had to surrender that friendship. There had to be nothing holding me back from pursuing God with all of my heart. But through my complete brokenness, God came in, and He gave me a new direction and a new hope. I was no longer living my life for myself, but I was living it completely for Him. 

   Towards the end of Fall 2011, God heavily placed on my heart that I was going to be in full time ministry and missions. So as 2011 ended, I came full circle. I no longer was going through the motions and living by my plans, but I was sincere in my relationship with God and living by His plans. 

   In Spring 2012, I was blessed to be able to get involved in leadership with Cru at Sac State. I loved every second of it, and it only encouraged me to keep growing in my walk with God. I also got the privilege to go on a Vision Trip with Cru at Sac State to Buenos Aires, Argentina which confirmed God's calling for me to be a missionary someday. Through the summer and early fall, I struggled to figure out what life after college would look like. I finally came to a peace and a decision that God was leading me to join staff with Cru in January 2014. 

   The Song "Lay Me Down" by Chris Tomlin captures my 2012. 

   

2011 was a year of complete surrender. 

2012 was a year of surrender, direction, growth, and renewal

But what about 2013?

   Earlier today I was not at peace with some things in my life. I told a dear friend about what was going on, and she reminded me to surrender it all to God. Even though I feel confident of God's calling on my life that doesn't mean that I shouldn't daily surrender it to God. I need to always lay everything at the foot of the cross even if it is something I am confident God is calling or leading me to. If it is, then it will happen, and I will praise Him, and if it isn't, I will praise Him still. Even though my life has been uphill since 2012, I can't forget to SURRENDER!

Mark 14:36
 "And he said, 'Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.'"

John 3:30
 "He must increase, but I must decrease."

Two other songs that have recently impacted me are "Where You Go I Go" by Jesus Culture and "Awake My Soul" by Chris Tomlin and Lecrae which is based on Ezekial 37:1-14.

My favorite worship song that completely encompasses Completely Surrendering to God is "You Won't Relent" by Jesus Culture.